My AJ Fanfiction

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Hiyo! I'm glad you are checking out this story! On this tab, I am writing my own AJ fanfiction! It IS long, I must warn you, but if you read it in sections, that might work better for you. This is being made as a comic in real life, but since I can't draw well on computers, you get the typed version. Yay. XD
But anyway, enjoy, critique me if ya want, and stay tuned for more of " Until She Returns"!







Until She Returns








In a barren, open field, two silhouettes could be seen: one, a great, majestic bird, the other a circular blob with two long tentacles. They stood, staring, silent, as dark grey clouds rolled across the sky, blocking any rays of sunlight. Finally, the blob-creature spoke. " Mira."
" King Gorger." The bird, a beautiful grey heron, replied coolly. Then she lifted her head in pride, spreading her blue wings, bright against the grey sky. " I have said it once, and I will say it again. This land is ours." She then glared at the creature again. " And we will fight to keep it that way. And win, I might add."
King Gorger grinned. " Oh, really? Because right now..." He raised a stick with a purple-black glowing stone on top of it. Suddenly, more creatures, phantoms, appeared out of nowhere, and hovered behind their king. They were aligned in rows, and their expressions were all similar too. They waited for a command, staring ahead seriously, not blinking.
"...I think we hold the advantage.", finished King Gorger, a smug smile on his face. 
Mira lifted off the ground. " Wrong, King Gorger. My strength comes from the faith of my subjects."
She landed again, now wearing the Phantom King's knowing grin. " Plus, I have some... extra help."
Stepping aside, she revealed a group of animals: a wolf, tiger, bunny, koala, monkey, and panda, to be exact. They all were standing proud and tall, ready for any combat. These were the Alphas.
But King Gorger did not look scared, or even amused. " I'm terrified.", he said sarcastically. 
" So, would you like to make the first move, or shall I?"
Mira pulled the monkey and koala Alphas aside. " Cosmo, go ready your supplies, just in case", she told the koala. " And Graham, go tell the citizens to get inside. If this gets to be a bigger battle, we don't want any more animals getting hurt."
" Yes, Mira.", the koala replied, before trotting off. " Righto!", said Graham, then gave a salute and bounded off after Cosmo.
" Ahem." Mira turned back to the Phantom King, who was looking impatient. " Well? Are we doing this or aren't we? Unless you are willing to back down and not risk your precious citizens' lives?"
Mira opened her wings again and lifted her head. " Though we care about the condition of our fellow animals...Jamaasians never back down from a fight they can win!"
King Gorger just rolled his eye. 
" Alright then..." His eye started to gleam with a hunger for battle.
" ATTACK!"
As soon as they heard this, the phantoms behind King Gorger took off towards Mira and the Alphas, some holding dark, glowing swords in their spindly arms. The Alphas leaped forwards, meeting the phantoms, and the battle began. Greely, the wolf Alpha, was slicing his claws through phantom after phantom, turning them into wisps of black smoke that soon dissolved. The panda, Liza, was holding her Alpha staff against a phantom's sword, and Peck, the bunny Alpha, was trapped under a phantom who was coming at her with a sword of his own. Meanwhile, Mira and King Gorger were facing off. King Gorger shot a blast of lightning from his staff, but Mira dodged it easily. Lifting off into the sky, she shot beams of magic from her eyes, then flapped her wings to form it into a circular shape. She then flapped her great wings forward once, sending the magic-comet flying towards King Gorger. For the first time, the huge phantom actually looked scared, but it was too late for him to move, and the magic sent him flying backwards. As he hit the ground, Mira stood, a triumphant look in her shining eyes. When she turned around to help an Alpha, King Gorger sat up, setting his now-broken crown atop his head again. He whistled, and three phantoms nearby looked up from what they were doing and raced towards their leader. " Go get those animals. I'll take care of Mira.", the King said, and the phantoms saluted, then hovered off to do their business, gathering more phantoms along the way. As Greely pinned a phantom to the ground, he looked up to see five phantoms, three with swords, coming at him, and he blinked in surprise. More phantoms shot lightning at Peck, who ran for her life.
As Mira sat, preening her feathers, she heard a cry from all the Alphas: " MIRA!"
She turned her head and stared in horror. All of her Alphas were surrounded by phantoms. Sir Gilbert, usually so courageous, was now looking rather fearful as three phantoms cornered him against a rock. Liza was on her back, trying to swat away the phantoms around her, but with no luck. Peck was also lying on the ground, motionless, her ears drooping limply, as a phantom hovered by her. 
" They've outnumbered us, your highness.", growled Greely, looking battered and scarred, three phantoms with swords around him in a triangle. 
" No...", Mira gasped.
" It's a conundrum, isn't it, Mira?"
King Gorger was emerging from the dust behind Mira, smirking.
Mira scowled, again standing tall. " Let them go, King Gorger."
A purple lightning bolt came blazing towards the grey heron, and she just barely had time to fly out of its way.
" Sorry, YOUR HIGHNESS. I'm afraid I can't do that."
He shot a huge, powerful bolt at Mira, and it struck her in the chest. She fell, weakened, to the ground, and lay limp for a few moments. " You seem pretty pooped. Why not stay at our place for a while?", the King Phantom said kindly, though it was clear that he was not trying to be helpful. His assistant, a phantom wearing a black-and-purple cap, nodded. " Maybe for a few days, a few MOONS... FOREVER.", the King suggested, his eye gleaming. 
The grey heron lifted her head, looking frail and scarred, but still determined. " You're insane, King Gorger." She shot another, smaller magic-comet at him, but it popped like a bubble as soon as the King's tentacle touched it. " Am I? After all, you're too weak to stop me anyway." With that, he raised a large tentacle-arm and shot another, different beam of electricity, which halted in midair and started to spin in a circle. A few more bolts joined this one, until soon, it created a black portal, with spinning purple streaks. The Alphas stared in horror. But Mira was looking at something else: three phantoms, one with paw-cuffs and one with chains, were coming towards her. Within a minute or two, Mira's feet were linked together by the paw-cuffs, chains were around her wings, and a chain clamped her mouth shut as well. " Mmf...!", she grunted in annoyance and fear.
King Gorger turned to his assistant. " Go. I'll take care of the rest of this." The phantom minion nodded, then hovered over to the portal and disappeared through it. A few others followed it, and soon, all of the phantoms were leaving their guard places by the Alphas and zooming through the portal. Most of the animals got up, except for Peck, who was still lying limp. Greely padded over to the pink bunny and started nudged her.
While all this was going on, Cosmo and Graham returned, looking proud and cheerful. " All taken care of, Mi-" Cosmo stopped abruptly, seeing the chaos in front of him. Mira was struggling to break free of her chains, while King Gorger hovered over her, grinning. Phantoms were still swarming through the portal, and Greely was still attempting to rouse Peck. Graham tilted his head. " Did we miss something?"
All of the animals in the clearing, including the King and his phantoms, stopped and stared at the monkey Alpha. " What do you think.", Greely growled, unamused.
Another moment of silence. " Aanyway...", the Phantom King muttered, rolling his eye. " Where was I... Oh, yes." " Say goodbye to Jamaa and your ALPHAS, Mira!"
Sir Gilbert, Liza, Graham, Cosmo, Greely, and Peck, who had finally woken, stared helplessly as King Gorger grabbed Mira and zoomed towards the portal. Mira let out a terrified screech, but the King pulled her through the portal. " MIRA!!!", the animals screamed, but it did no good as the portal disappeared, along with Jamaa's leader, into nothing.
Graham paced in a tight circle. " What will we do now!? They took Mira!"
Peck shrieked, " Jamaa is now an easy target! Without Mira, our land will be conquered by the phantoms!"
Only his flexing claws showed Sir Gilbert's anxiety, but Greely sat, staring out across the mountains, as if dazed. Only Liza remained calm, but still focused.
" Everyone! Calm down!", the panda shouted over the commotion. " We can figure out how to rescue Mira if we just stop and think!"
" No. We can't go rescue ANYONE."
The other five Alphas turned and stared at Greely. " Are you crazy?! Why wouldn't we go rescue Mira? She's our LEADER!", Cosmo shouted.
" Of course he's crazy...never knew what he was doing...", Sir Gilbert muttered, half to himself. 
Greely snarled at the tiger but didn't argue. " Just listen, okay!? If we rescue Mira now, the phantoms will surely be on guard. In fact, since they know we'll come for her, there's probably never a time that the castle is left unprotected."
" So what? You're saying that we should NEVER go rescue her?" Peck narrowed her eyes.
" Not NEVER, no. Just not now. We need to stay quiet long enough so that the phantoms will think we gave up, and then they'll be less serious when doing their guard duties."
" So leave Mira there? For how long?", Liza questioned.
Greely shrugged " As long as we want."
Liza sighed. " I suppose I see your point. It makes sense to wait to get Mira until the phantoms stop being suspicious."
Little Peck hopped up to Liza. " But...what if, while she's in there, Mira..."
Liza set a gentle paw on the bunny's back. " She's a strong leader. She'll be fine."
Greely stood up. " So it's agreed? We wait to rescue her?"
Cosmo and Graham looked at each other, then nodded, along with Liza and, finally, Peck. Sir Gilbert hesitated, mumbling under his breath, but he finally sat up straight. " Fine."
And so the Alphas trotted home, with no enemies around...but no leader as well.







STAY TUNED FOR MORE, COMING SOON! ;D

21 comments:

  1. Noice.
    I think you should add some dialogue :3
    And um..
    Don't use the word "noticed" as much.
    Anyways, interesting, will Raina make any friends in the dungeon!? It'd be pretty dramatic if she did, then I dunno, the friend sacrifies her/himself to save Raina. Yus yus, or maybe the friend can be a kind phantom who only wishes to help and tey bond and learn about eachother's worlds. c:

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  2. Ah, good thinking about the 'noticed' stuff, lol.

    And hmm, I just might use your idea... ):) :3
    Lol

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  3. Kewl. Buuut.. What about the crack? What if.. :O The crack leads to that room full of RARES?! Then Raina can be rich!

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  4. Why phantoms even take monkeys rares. ts not like they would use them.

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  5. I not sure there is still phantom watcher but she can turn them off by switch :|

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  6. And why did ajhq not put spikes there in room cause they are the most popular right now

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    Replies
    1. I believe this adventure was made before the " Spike craze", but I can't be sure. Spikes, I bet, were wanted, but not as crazed over back then.

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  7. I LOVE THE DETAIL!!! YOU COULD WRITE A BOOK!!!!!!! - Party CanineClaw

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  8. So. Many. Words. *dies*

    I guess since you drew this, it'd be easier to describe; it's always easier to describe something you've physically seen.

    I would've liked to see the comic version though...

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, I personally like my comic better, so maybe I'll take pictures of the pages and post them sometime.
      Lol, yes, so many words!

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  9. Oml I'm not alone when it comes to AJ fanfictions. This is awesome!

    Mind you, at least yours isn't unreasonably long with like 30 main characters like mine lol

    Cant wait to see more of this!

    -AJKraft

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  10. Love this story! :D cant wait for more! :)

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  11. Hi Swirl! :D

    Btw will you be able to come to my B-day Party on Nov 17th (which is the Thursday before my Bday and Thanksgiving)? It is at 2:00 PM Central Timing (and CDT) at my den.
    Thursday
    November 17th
    2:00 Central and CDT PM
    My den

    Hope you can come!
    P.S
    LOVE THIS STORY! :D

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    Replies
    1. November 17th, huh? Hmm, I'll see if I can! I'd hate to miss it!

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  12. @Kraft and Sarah

    Thank you both for the compliments!

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  13. Just wondering, is this going to continue? CUZ ITS AMAZING!!!!!!! :D
    Or is it one of the things like "If I think of something else I will do it" lol

    :)

    ReplyDelete

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